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John Denver  Jokes


I heard it said that on a clear day in Monterey...

you can see parts of Denver.


What is 10lbs and didn't get plucked tis Thanksgiving?

John Denver's guitar!


What was John Denver's favorite book?

20,000 leagues under the sea.


What did John Denver dress up as on Halloween?

Shark Shit.


I guess that John Denver ran out of gas towards the end of his career.


Elton John is writing a new song for John Denver:
A Brick in the Wind
Dingle in the Wing
Cessna In A Spin
Tangled in the Wing
Banjo In the Wind


What is John Denver doing right now?

Decomposing.


What ever happened to John Denver's career?

Took a nose dive.


What commercial product was John Denver endorsing?

Ocean Spray


How does John Denver like his drinks?

On the rocks.


Why did John Denver crash?

He wanted a smash hit in the 90s.


What was John Denver's last hit?

The Pacific Ocean.


What was John Denver's last movie?

Waterworld.


Denver died of AIDS.

Aircraft is Descending Swiftly.


How did John Denver learn to fly a plane?

Crash course.


What's the last book John Denver read?

Amelia Earhart's flight manual.


What movie will they make of John Denver?

Splash.


What TV show will be about John Denver?

The Fall Guy
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea


John Denver didn't take a bath before his flight...

but he did wash up on shore.


What airline was about to hire John Denver?

ValuJet.


What does DENVER stand for?

Died Evaluating New ValuJet Experimental Rock


John Denver is changing his name to John Boulder


What key does John Denver sing in?

sea-flat


What was John Denver smoking?

Sea weed


What was John Denver's favorite season?

Fall


God is making a new comedy called "Oh God Damn...."

He already has George Burns and John Denver from the original movie and has added Red Skelton with a cameo by Princess Diana. He may have Harold Robbins or James Michener write a novel on it.


At least John Denver wasn't drinking and driving his car this time.


That John Denver was just a plane down-to-earth kinda guy.


Here are the hits from John Denver's new album, released post humorously.

From the Best of John Denver Live (Not) album
"Thank God I'm a Country Buoy"
"Oh God I'm an Ocean Buoy"
"Leaving On a Prop Plane"
"Fiberglass On My Shoulder"
"Windshearsong"
"Fishlife Concert"
"Back Broke Again"
"Cantland Express"
"I Don't Want to Live"
"One Waterworld"
"Poems Prayers and Props"
"Sunshine On My Window Makes Me Nosedive"
"You Fill Up My Cessna"
"I'm Leavin' On a Bad Plane"
"Pacific Ocean Low"


What were John Denver's last words?

"Oh God."
"Boy, what I wouldn't do for a drink of water."
"Where'd those f**king trees come from?"
"Hum, I wonder what this lever is for?"


What were John Denver's last words before leaving home?

"I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again."
"I'm bleeding on a jet plane, don't know when I'll breathe again."


John Denver was actually flying an experimental aircraft. The results of this experiment are ...

It doesn't f***ing work.
And it don't float.


Looks like John Denver's career is grounded.


What is it that Princess Grace had that John Denver and Natalie Wood wished they had?

A good stroke.


John Denver apparently survived the water crash but...

was attacked by a group of rabid harbor seals and was clubbed to death.


What was the last thing through John Denver's mind before the crash?

The prop.


Did you hear about the new John Denver doll?

It sings until you drop it.


What's worse than going to a John Denver concert?

Have him drop in on you.


Where did John Denver spend his end of summer vacation?

All over Monterey Bay.


Why didn't the FAA grant John Denver a license?

He set a bad example of someone falling to pieces when he was high.


What forced John Denver to veer off course and spin into Monterey Bay?

Rocky Mountain High.


John Denver wrote "Leaving on a Jet Plane" 25 years ago.

His dream finally came true.


Elton John re-wrote "Annie's Song" and called it "Something's Wrong."

You fill up my cockpit
With salty blue water
Just when my wings cracked
And I fell in the sea!
I lost all my limbs then
They fell off on contact
You needed my fingerprints
To identify me!


Who does the Monterey police blame for the John Denver accident?

Four paparazzi in hang-gliders and one in a speed boat who accidently ran over him when he hit the water.


The National Enquirer made a typo in yesterday's headlines.

It said, "John Denver feared alive."


What did the paparazzi say to each other as John Denver took off in his plane?

"Try to stall him."


John Denver's plane Long-EZ is now called So Long-EZ.


What's the difference between John Denver and the recent stock market crash?

At least the stock market bounced back.


What's the difference between John Denver and a pig?

The pig has a better chance of flying.


What did the coroner discover about John Denver when they pulled him from the water?

He had crabs.


What drugs was John Denver taking?

Uppers that made him high, followed by some downers, then smack.


John Denver get to the pearly gates as says, "Where am I. What happened?"

St Peter replies, "That'll teach you and George Burns to make crappy movies about the boss."


Why is it a tragedy that John Denver died?

Because he didn't have Barry Manilow with him.


What did John Denver say to his daughter before take-off?

Remember to feed the dogs, and I'll feed the fish.


John Denver got his last D.W.I.

Drowned While Intoxicated.


Bet John Denver never got so much AIR time.


OH GOD I'M AN OCEAN BUOY


Took a flight out to sea
and I never came back
Built a plane from a kit
But I didn't know Jack
Jumped behind the stick
and chugged a six-pack
And now I'm an ocean buoy.

Well, I grabbed the controls
and I started to fiddle
Got flames coming up
My butt's on the griddle
Flight ain't nothing
and life is such a riddle
So now I'm an ocean buoy.

Well, my head is all bashed in
And my body's full of holes
They had to pull me out
With a buncha fishin' poles
You can blame it on Rutan
Or my drinking I suppose
But still I'm an ocean buoy.

Well, it's not too cool
When you're down 'neath the water
I really been messed up
Since I started on the bottle
I reached for Jack Daniels
But instead, hit the throttle
And now I'm an ocean buoy.

Well, I grabbed the controls
And I started to fiddle
Got flames coming up
My butt's on the griddle
George Burns appeared beside me
And we prayed just a little
Oh God! -- I'm an ocean buoy.


If Teddy Kennedy had been flying, he would have swam for help.

John Denver would have still drowned, though.


John Denver always wanted to become a "new wave" musician.


People watching John Denver crash say they saw UFOs in the area.

Unidentified Falling Organs.


What song did they re-write at John Denver's funeral?

"He Filled Up His Trousers"


Elton John has now combined a tribute for John Denver and Princess Diana.

He calls it "Thank God I'm a Candle in the Wind!"


How did they identify John Denver's body?

He had sunshine on his shoulders.


What was the temperature of the Pacific ocean after John Denver's plane went down?

One below.


What weighs 10 pounds and won't be plucked at Thanksgiving?

John Denver's guitar.


What warning was posted in all restaurants near Monterey Bay?

Avoid the chowderhead stew.


What was the name of John Denver's airplane?

Flipper.


Denny's is now offering a Denver breakfast.

It gets scrambled, toasted, then turns flat when dropped in water.


What does John Denver have in common with Rosie O'Donnell?

It's a catastrophe when they both go down.


John Denver bought is airplane on a Saturday (gas not included)

The next day he bought the farm.


What was John Denver's last wish?

A burial at sea.


What song was John Denver working on before he died?

"My body lies over the ocean"


What has John Denver's music and his crash got in common?

They were both light weight, but down to earth.


What does princess Di and Mother Theresa have in common?

Tickets to the John Denver concert.


Possible Titles For John Denver's Christmas Album...

1. "I'll Be Dead For Christmas"
2. "I'll Be Mulch For Christmas"
3. "I'll Be Bones For Christmas"


What weighs 10 pounds and didn't get plucked tis Thanksgiving?

John Denver's guitar.


To the tune of American Pie...

Bye, Bye Rocky Mountain high
Pancakes and my momma
Now I wish I could fly
Just a country boy
Who liked to drink and drive
Singin:
In this plane'll be where I fly
In this plane'll be where I die

Bye, bye country road
Goodbye
Leanin' on a Jet plane
I'm not gay, I'm bi-
Couldn't see the ocean with both my eyes
Singin:
Paid 20 bucks so I could learn how to fly
Didn't pack a parachute, I don't know why


What was john denver singing when he died?

Yeah I'm free!! Free fallin'!!


You know what the saddest day in Rock-n-roll was don't you?

The day John Denver died because they played his music all day.


What did John Denver say to his daughter before take-off?

Remember to feed the dogs and I'll feed the fish.


What was the temperature of the Pacific Ocean after John Denver's plane went down?

One below.


Denver was always an optimist...

He always saw the tank as half full, rather than half empty.